Let me first begin by saying that I genuinely enjoy breastfeeding. Which is quite remarkable considering how stressed I was about it. Stressed about milk production, about public BF, about her initially learning to latch. Like stressed to the point of constant anxiety attacks. It was probably one of the leading issues I had with my meltdowns.
Somehow that has changed. Don’t get me wrong. If something messes up our BF schedule, I do get stressed but it’s not as bad. And I dare say she does know when bedtime is, so if we are too close to not making that time, she hulks out and I stress. But the basis, the feeding, is truly enjoyable. It’s amazing that a woman’s body can sustain another human. And it’s wicked crazy that a woman’s body can take all we eat and make it into that baby food. It’s so madly insane and intensely amazing. As amazing as pregnancy in its own right. It allows us to bond, to further explore our own language. Bf extends even into the conversations we have and the trust she has in me. I feel like we have a connection, that I can actually communicate with her in large part due to bf.
To be honest, this connection would have occurred even without bf, but I still can’t say that it wasn’t a huge part of our journey. Which is why the bottle battles are so awful.
I begin work on the 18th. By that time she needs to be able to drink from a bottle. It has to happen. But trying to reason that with a 6.5wo is insanity. She hates it and looks at me with her beautiful blues full of tears made of betrayal. It’s heart retching. Especially since I have exactly the right equipment that she needs. I hate this. Like dream about it hate this. The worst part is that we were specifically instructed NOT to introduce a bottle until 6 weeks. Well shit.
Lucky for me, our chickadee is her own kind of smarts. After 2 days, she took a bottle! And one more stress is beginning to unwind. I’m hoping that each day she’ll get better and better. Cause I adore her and just desperately want to make sure she’s full and happy. Send lots of prayers to the bottle Gods that she keeps this up!