No rest for the anxious

Little Miss S is 3 weeks and 1 day as of today. It’s crazy to even think about our lives prior to her arrival. Simple things like getting a bag of chips from the gas station are really not so simple anymore. The funny thing is that it’s not that those tasks are hard, but just different.

We are trying to get her on a more regular schedule. Last night was the first night we were able to stay in the bedroom all night without waking the Hubs. Generally at about 1 am, S wakes and is a real bear to get back to sleep. But we’ve been encouraging more daytime wakefulness in hopes that it will transition her internal clock. I am hopefully it works (oh please!!) cause this Mommy is not a night owl. Like at all. So you can just imagine how stoked I was to stay in our own bed last night!

Daycare has finally been situated, at least temporarily. We went with a local facility who provides a slightly cheaper rate for 3 days but are hoping to get on base soon. We are also on the wait list for another more cost effective facility down the road. At this point I’m just stoked to have a place simply because finding infant daycare is impossible in this area. At least that’s one stress that we can cross off.

Which brings me to stress in general. The Hubs is going back to work tomorrow, meaning we are on our own for the first time since she was born. At least alone for a long period of time. He has left to do errands and shop, but not for the 10 hours as of tomorrow. And it’s terrifying. I don’t even know why. She’s relatively easy, and if we do go out to do something, and she fusses, well we can just head to the car and go back home. It’s not the end of the world. But, my heavens, I’m panicked that it will be. My sister and I went to do some errands a couple days ago and I thought I was going to projectile vomit the entire time. I’m not sure if this is because we now have a tiny human who has her own mind and can be unpredictable or if this is related to the crazy roller coaster of a ride associated with postpartum hormones, but it’s rather debilitating.

On top of this, I’m certainly at the point of wanting to find a practice closer to home, mostly because of the potential for the Hub’s deployments. Although he won’t be gone until next year, with my current job and current schedule, there is no way I could find a daycare that would accommodate us. Absolutely no way. So I would have to basically demand to have more regular 8-5 hours, only during the week, and I’m not sure how that would fly. Which freaks me out. And the horrible thing is I’m stressing now, when those changes won’t even begin to happen until next year.

So that brings us to right now. Right now I’m trying to keep the anxiety beast at bay, trying to reason with myself about the stuff that is stressing me out. I’m bound and determined to get out tomorrow and do something, just to break the ice on that fear. And I will try my damnedest to do so each day until I feel like I can function relatively normally again. If this continues, my 6 week pp appt is in about 2 weeks and I’ll bring up my anxiety then. Unless things worsen, then we shall go from there. And I’m going to touch base with some local clinics to see if there is a chance there will be positions available. Just to circumvent the changes when the Hubs does deploy.

In the meantime, I’m just hoping tonight will be okay and that tomorrow goes without a hitch.

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10 thoughts on “No rest for the anxious”

  1. I WISH i could find part time daycare here. We’re going to use the base (they won’t put us on the list until third tri, but said we shouldn’t have a problem getting a spot), but since I’m going part time I hate paying for full time care.

  2. I completely relate to how you are feeling! My husband goes back to work next week and I’m not liking it. He’s only worked 2 days since baby girl has been born and that was hard to be with her by myself. Now that I’ve had him home 3.5 weeks I have to go through it all again Monday.

    It seems like time is flying. How are our babies getting so close to the one month mark already?

    1. I know, right? I’m definitely trying to get into a rhythm so I don’t feel so overwhelmed. I know it is getting better, but it still seems so crazy. I hope you and your lady are doing awesome!!

  3. Im sure you will do better than you think without your hubby. I can imagine all your fears and anxieties are completely normal for a first time mom or mom in general. Hang in there sweets youve got this!!

    1. Thanks, chica! It went okay although I did have one breakdown when the Hubs got home. It seems like everything is so hard to control right now, but it’ll be okay. I hope you are feeling good!!

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