Gals, I now fully understand the phrase “rode hard and put up wet.” Every single day at work I drag myself to surgery, desperately pray for an easy spay or neuter where I won’t have to manhandle ovarian ligaments or other such nonsense, run through 20+ appts as fast as I can, come home and have the Hubs comment on how I resemble a raccoon. Incidentally that is the only big symptom I have. I do have sore upper lady bits which the Hubs also likes to tease about and a raging hunger beast, but no nausea, no issues with GI stuff in general, pretty much nada. And to be honest, I feel blessed at this point. Seriously, beyond the exhaustion, I feel very normal.
I finally did tell the Boss Man. Mostly because the Hubs was having an epic meltdown about taking radiographs while I am on-call. Boss Man actually grinned and said all the congrats type stuff then started to make fun of how big I might get. Something about scrub tops with panels or some such nonsense. Some people’s children. It is wonderful not to have to worry about keeping that particular secret a secret at work but we are definitely still waiting on the big public announcement. Because of the what if…
Speaking of which, my best friend’s sister has been struggling with IF for years…even longer than the Hubs and I. So way more than 6. Holy buckets, it’s even hard for me to imagine. A couple of years ago, she had been blessed with a pregnancy and made it to the 13 week mark. And she did the FB announcement and all that jazz. Cause it’s supposed to be about the time frame when things are much, MUCH more safe. Unfortunately she lost the baby about 2 weeks later. I couldn’t help but ask the bestie if her sister had early ultrasounds or had this loss been discovered at her first ultrasound. The bestie said they did have early ultrasounds and the first one was fine, but the second was not okay , and by the 3rd they were able to confirm the loss.
This is terrifying. I still feel much better since that first ultrasound but that ridiculous what if is now firmly planted in my brain. I know many have blogged about how IF can drastically change how we perceive and handle pregnancy, that we will never have that innocence the general public has. And it’s true. At work and even our families are already firmly set on that bundle arriving in December, there is no doubt in their minds of this fact, but here I am simmering in my worry about that monster underneath the bed. It’s real, many of you ladies have experienced it, and it’s the worst thing in my world at this moment.
To stave off this fear, I have been ensuring to hit the gym and use anything else to keep myself occupied. We still have a week until the next ultrasound. I am just hoping the lack of any questionable symptoms (discharge, severe cramps, and all of those scary things) means that everything will continue to be perfect and that the next week goes by wicked fast. In the meantime, I am thinking of all you lovelies going through cycles!!!