I know that I handle needles and syringes all day long. I am constantly drawing blood, placing catheters, giving injections, etc. So I get that this is slightly irrational. But the fact that there will be 2 injections this cycle gives me heart palpitations. The horrible thing is I know that many of you wonderful women have done so many injections that it does not do it justice to count them all. And I admire your strength. More than I can possible even tell you. But I will ignore those stupid needles as long as I can. I hid them in the bottom of the fridge. Behind the lettuce.
Femara dose 1 begins tonight and I am really ready to get a move on. These meds are such cake to take. I feel great about this cycle, so great that I am slightly concerned with how bummed I will be if it does not work. I still have to talk to Boss Man about missing part of a day next week but it’ll be ok cause this cycle is the ONE. I know it because the lady bits and I have talked and they all have their game faces on.
Speaking of work, my euthanasia tally is now 12 in 5 days. 12. Many of which were wonderful patients of mine. It makes me want to eat my weight in chocolate. I hate knowing that in many cases I cannot change things. I cannot fix them. I cannot save them. I hate seeing the devastation of the owners and I hate letting those lives go at my hand. Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful that we have this option to relieve suffering. But this is too many in such a short time. I can tell that I am becoming more mechanical about it in general just as a defense mechanism. Thank all that is holy that I have this weekend off. I may just wear pj’s and watch Game of Thrones or something. Maybe Twilight because the scenery reminds me of home.
Oh, I did watch the instructional video for that gonal f. I loved the part where they stress to not use the 18 gauge, 10 inch long needle for your injection. No. Shit. Sherlock. Please tell me that no one has ever done that. The idea of doing such a terrible thing made my heart implode. Please don’t ever do that.