Needles terrify me

I know that I handle needles and syringes all day long.  I am constantly drawing blood, placing catheters, giving injections, etc.  So I get that this is slightly irrational.  But the fact that there will be 2 injections this cycle gives me heart palpitations.  The horrible thing is I know that many of you wonderful women have done so many injections that it does not do it justice to count them all.  And I admire your strength.  More than I can possible even tell you.  But I will ignore those stupid needles as long as I can.  I hid them in the bottom of the fridge.  Behind the lettuce.

Femara dose 1 begins tonight and I am really ready to get a move on.  These meds are such cake to take.  I feel great about this cycle, so great that I am slightly concerned with how bummed I will be if it does not work.   I still have to talk to Boss Man about missing part of a day next week but it’ll be ok cause this cycle is the ONE.  I know it because the lady bits and I have talked and they all have their game faces on.

Speaking of work, my euthanasia tally is now 12 in 5 days.  12.  Many of which were wonderful patients of mine.  It makes me want to eat my weight in chocolate.  I hate knowing that in many cases I cannot change things.  I cannot fix them.  I cannot save them.  I hate seeing the devastation of the owners and I hate letting those lives go at my hand.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am thankful that we have this option to relieve suffering.  But this is too many in such a short time.  I can tell that I am becoming more mechanical about it in general just as a defense mechanism.  Thank all that is holy that I have this weekend off.  I may just wear pj’s and watch Game of Thrones or something.  Maybe Twilight because the scenery reminds me of home.

Oh, I did watch the instructional video for that gonal f.  I loved the part where they stress to not use the 18 gauge, 10 inch long needle for your injection.  No. Shit. Sherlock.  Please tell me that no one has ever done that.  The idea of doing such a terrible thing made my heart implode.  Please don’t ever do that.

29 thoughts on “Needles terrify me”

  1. Yes…they terrified me too! It’s very natural…but with 2 cycles of IVF down…I am now a pro. And…it’s not that bad…the first one is the worst. Now, I’m a little more scared of the progesterone shot needles…those are kind of close to the size of that nasty 18 gauge you were talking about…it’s 22 (I think) and 1 1/2 inches long…but I’ll be THRILLED when I make it that far so I’m up for anything. Isn’t it CRAZY how much we have to go through? We are some STRONG women in this infertility business….and you are VERY strong with what you have to go through with your job…12 euthanasias in 5 days?? :(. I am a HUGE animal lover and appreciate all you do for the animals. Thank you and good luck with your shots…feel free to message me if you have any questions! This is your month!! xo

  2. I remember my first night of injections with IVF. I balled like a baby and jumped up and down in tears before finally sticking it in me. By the the third round of treatments I was up to five shots a day and doing it in the dark. Lol!! It gets easier :). And you would be surprised about the needle… I was so caught up in just sticking myself that I forgot to switch needles. Luckily I remembered 🙂

      1. wanna hear something else cheesy and corny? After my big ordeal and minor meltdown before the first injection, I went into the kitchen where Dan went to make my pitcher of tea and I saw him using the filtered water from the faucet. I told him he could just use regular tap water (it goes faster) and he turned around with tears in eyes and said, “after what you just went through, you can have the fancy water.” LOL!!! bahah

  3. Oh i did have to use an 18 gauge in my buttcheek for pio once when i ran out of 22s. It wasn’t as bad as it looks. But not fun at any rate. I hope u don’t get used to the needles bc this cycle IS the one.
    That is so sad about euthanising those pets. 😦 That part of being a vet would suck very much.

    1. It is the worst. I had another one today, but again this pet really was suffering. That terrifies me to use an 18gauge! That is what we microchip animals with! I am so very much hoping this cycle is the one!

  4. You’re so funny! One night I needed to do three injections, one night. (I am not sure if I should be bragging about the number of injections I had to give myself – but yep, I just went there 😉 ) When the time comes – you will be a champ – I just know it.

  5. I start my IVF injections in less than 2 weeks and I hate needles! I’m a little freaked out about it! I think my husband will be dealing with a lot of tears when we start this!

  6. I did my own sub-q injections and my husband would do my IM. Oh- except for when he left me to go to Finland on business. I had to do them myself and my heart was beating so fast. After the first one, it’s a piece of cake. It’s the anxiety that gets you more than the act. You’ll do great! 🙂

    1. Thanks! I am being such a sissy about it, but man do I hate those needles! I always do a pep talk and then get all pumped like in a game time kind of way, then I do it. The Hubs makes fun of me because he is a punk 😉

  7. LOL, too funny. I just assumed b/c of your profession you would be totally fine giving yourself injections. I gave myself my first HCG trigger shot, but had friends do my last 2…..I just didn’t have the nerve. I mean I know it’s for a good cause and all, I just couldn’t do it! UGH, sorry to hear about the euthanasia tally, that’s got to be tough! I’m happy you’re so positive about this cycle, I so hope that this is it!!! Ready for you t be pregnant!!!!

    1. It’s hilarious, huh? I play with needles all day long but have to have a mental pep talk to do my own. I am sooooo, soooo hoping that this is it, too! But right back atcha, girl. I will be stoked when you get your BFP.

  8. Blurgh. Needles gross me out too. It’s mostly just the whole watching them go into my skin than the actual pain or anything that I don’t like. We’ll see how I manage when it comes down to my turn…

  9. I refuse to look at them. Just keep the end goal in mind and ice before menopur if you’ve gotta take it. 🙂 I lost count at 43 about a week ago….that part moves pretty quickly though and you’ll feel like it flew by!

    1. Thanks for the advice and I totally refuse to look at them now in the fridge!! It’s almost like the boogie man, if I pull up the covers, it’ll be just fine! I am so looking forward to your beta, lady!

  10. I totally get it. Let me tell you a story about a girl (spoiler alert, the girl is me) that was so terrified of needles She would have the dentist drill her tooth without novacaine. I never in a million years thought I could get used to needles. The first time I had to get a shot for my IUI’s I was crying and pretty much decided to quit the whole cycle, but now I’ve completely mastered it, and it’s never fun but I promise YOU CAN DO IT. I promise. You can do anything for your babies.

  11. Oh my! I don’t know how you do it. You’re so strong. I’d fall apart having to put an animal down.

    On another note, hoping this cycle works out for you! Hugs.

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