Right now I feel better. I feel hopeful. I am cuddling the pibbles, rubbing their bellies, using my most important tools, my hands, to gently ensure the perfection of all of them. I am thinking of my patients and their owners and how today one of my favorite dogs most certainly has cancer. Aggressive, nasty, horrible cancer destroying the cortex of her ulna. My heart hurts. You see, for a doctor, we experience the devastation of loss too. My heart throbs desperately in my chest, frantically trying to deny the utter reality of the situation. How all of that training, all of our passion, does not matter in the face of death. Then we must be strong and help our clients make the decision to say good-bye. And then we say good-bye but there is no shoulder for us to lean on. So we keep moving, seeing the next patient. A puppy, precious in their newness.
So life goes on.
IF is exactly like this. Today, on sweetheart’s day, I bit the bullet and called Dr. P. I explained the situation with the conference next week and left it up to her medical expertise. We would not have a baseline u/s if we did go forward, brave souls.
Her response is, if we are game, she is game.
Alright. Just knowing we have that option takes a huge weight off of my shoulders. That is an option. I feel that we might do so. But in the meantime, because it is a day of chocolate and sappy sweet things, I thought I would share this link. Because it expresses what love means. What marriage means. It’s not always crazy adventurous. Most times it’s just day-to-day life stuff. Just boring stuff. No fireworks, no chivalrous romance. IF sometimes makes it seem more so.
But it’s perfect, this life, the way it is.