My selfish, self-involved self

Not surprisingly the first night of femara went without a hitch.  I slept like a rock and most definitely did not have hot flashes…yay!  To be honest I would have expected this even had we embarked on the clomid journey again.  It took my body at least 2-3 medicated days before I started having those wicked temperature hikes.

So, needless to say this ranting actually has nothing to do with the cycle thus far.   I just wanted to feel sorry for myself for a moment.  Today was a couple of dumpy reminders about our lack of pregnancy.  First a client brought in a pet with intermittent hind limb lameness.  I recommended radiographs.  The husband asked if his wife could help, because the pet had some separation anxiety issues.  I naturally said no, it’s against clinic policy due to the risk of radiation exposure.  My response was immediately followed by the wife excitedly rubbing her very small abdomen and piping up about her new pregnancy.  I said congrats and quickly moved the appointment forward.

Following the radiographs, I brought the pet back to his owners and began discussing the diagnosis and treatment options.  The gold standard protocol in this case involved orthopedic surgery which can be quite expensive.  Wife again excitedly interjected about how they really can’t afford it cause of the new baby.  Um, got it.

Well this new, bubbly preggo simply wasn’t enough.  After work I decided to skulk around FB, mostly to check on the many friends still in veterinary school who have recently found out the results of their national board exam.  I had a message and naturally opened it.  Of course it was an invite to a baby shower.  From a girl who told me not that long ago that “it would just happen” before she even had a chance to hear why it hasn’t happened.  The girl is very nice but really incredibly naive about fertility issues.  And she isn’t a close friend so there is no reason why she would even have an inkling about our struggles. 

But this on top of that rather abrasive appointment, it just threw me into a flurry.  I am tired of hiding our journey and tired of being embarrassed by our treatments.  I just want to shout out the whole of it, right out in the open, on FB and everywhere.  I just want people to know what we are struggling with and want those people in our everyday life to support us.  I also really, REALLY want others out there to realize that many couples experience fertility challenges.  That because of this fact, just have more everyday consideration and respect will ease a lot of isolation we all feel.  And that we all would love the additional support and prayers. 

But mostly I just want to stop hiding. 

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26 thoughts on “My selfish, self-involved self”

  1. Ugh! I’m so sorry. I wish there was a way to help people understand they’re being insensitive. I actually made a video of “what not say to someone struggling to conceive”, I seriously wanted to email it to everyone I know but I chickened out. If you are feeling brave maybe you should send it to people as your “coming out” move. Hahah.

    Good luck.

    1. I shared somedaymama’s video and another newspaper article about infertility on FB last week. I was shocked at the lack of concern. It’s like all the fertiles glazed over it and continued on. I only got approx 5 likes on each posting. I’m trying to be slightly vocal, but it still feels like no one except those who have gone or are going through it are willing to listen.

      1. 😦 poo, I feel the same way. It’s like the only ones who “get it” aren’t the ones who needed to hear it in the first place. It’s so stinking frustrating.

      2. Even my Mom didn’t read it!!! She liked it, then admitted she didn’t read it when I brought up a bit from the article. Thanks Mom. I see why you don’t get it either.

      3. It just goes to show that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him read the dang post!! Haha.
        Someone suggested walking around with a t-shirt that says what not to say. Maybe I’ll try that, cause nothing else seems to be working. 😦

      4. I have heard others say the same thing about posting their struggles on fb…it’s all so sad. Ish. I am so, so over it! But whatever, moving on to bigger and better things. Like an amazing cycle this month!

    2. I love this video…and I would love to just send it out at a response to all things baby related. I am happy for others who do and can conceive. I just want them to know that there is another side of the story…those you can’t just follow the baby journey as easily or maybe not at all. But I am pretty sure I would need a couple glasses of wine before I am ready to come out so bravely!!

  2. Yes–recent pregnancy announcements are wearing on my nerves. I have begrudgingly ‘liked’ a couple FB statuses of women who haven’t been married 6 months. Congrats breeders! Get the hell outta my newsfeed. XO

    1. I love it…begrudgingly “liked.” Cause truth to that. I have stopped being so gracious though and just immediately hide their posts. I don’t even think to do it, hiding has become such a reflex.

  3. I know a lot of women that I follow feel this same way and once they “came out of the closet” it was a huge relief to them. If it’s something that you and your hubby feel could make this journey just a smidgen bit easier I would consider it 🙂 It’s awful putting on that fake smile and that phony voice when you are forced to say congratulations. I hated it and it broke my heart (still does) to do it but I know that I am not strong enough to have people constantly ask about my treatments or about our journey in general. Serious hugs to you my friend! xoxo

    1. You know what…you are so right. I definitely do not want the constant questions. I just wish more people would understand and know that it’s not super easy for everyone. That many struggle and pray and hope and spend boats of money to even have the chance of having a little one. It’s so much to think about and luckily I cooled down before I had an infertile nuclear meltdown on fb…which may be too bad cause that would have resulted in one heck of subsequent post, huh?

  4. 😦 boooo…stupid bubbly preggo women! But in defense of all those people who know shit about infertility – they just don’t know any better. It’s one of those things where unless you are in it yourself you won’t know what it’s like. Just like with any diseases or handicaps…it won’t catch your “interest” unless it concerns yourself or someone you know. I don’t think I’m hiding my issue of not being able to become pregnant easily (I don’t like the word infertile ’cause to me that means I don’t have any chance on earth to become pregnant – you can call me that when the game’s over). It’s just not one of those things that come up in a light conversation. But I, too, get annoyed when I see pregnant women! Guilty as charged 😉

    1. You are so right…damn it all! I totally know that. I know most people don’t know and honestly I didn’t either before we were gifted with this journey. I just wish I had the balls to even say, hey, having a baby can be hard. Just so you know…you might have friends that are struggling. You know, just as an fyi? Anyways, I am super, duper thinking and cheering for you right now!!!

  5. I hate the blissful ignorance that fertile people get to live in. (In the meantime I’m thinking about starting a project to create a community of support for military members/spouses dealing with infertility. I feel like we are especially invisible in this space.) Thinking of you.

    1. Thanks, fellow ID card holder!! I hate, hate, hate it too!! I just want other folks to just know about this struggle and this journey and all that we all have to go through!! This is such a lonely journey and it seems so much more lonely in the military. I thank the stars every day that I had a brief reprieve during my education! And I loved your last post =)

  6. Good luck with the Femara… I think you’ll love it! Clomid was actually the worst med for me out of all of them in terms of side effects… not even IVF meds were as bad as clomid. But Femara is lovely, AND effective, so I’m wishing you the best.

    I actually am open and kind of do shout my infertility from the roof tops on FB, but it took me a while to start that, and I honestly don’t know if I would have started if I’d known where we’d end up. But once you start, the cat’s kind of out of the bag! Pros and cons to both!

    1. I love femara so far! No hot flashes, really nothing. I caught another stupid virus, but I think it’s just work stress =( I might still just come out with it all though. I just want to make sure the Hubs is ok with it before I do. So much to consider and thing about. Thanks, lady!!

  7. Ah, I’ve been thinking of this more and more. I barely go on Facebook right now and I tell myself: “I don’t have to. Who cares. Facebook isn’t real life.” But then I retreat to my blog—which is another virtual life. I just can’t stand the thought of a bunch of old high school friends having ridiculous misconceptions. Like for example if my super-educated NYC friend thinks I’m at risk for having octuplets undergoing an IVF with DOR, then what will my small-town, church-going Ohio friends think? Do I want to field their quesitons and judgments? Or worry about what they are silently judging? Then another part of me, like you, wants to SHOUT AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS: This is what we are going through! It is hard! Please support me! I hate hiding. I’m “out” to the important people but it is getting harder and harder to tell the “white lies” to those we are not as close to. Thanks for an important post. That bubbly woman irritated me just hearing about her. Ugh, so sorry. That must have been so hard.

    1. It’s ok…just too much at once, I think. And just on the shirt tails of our first and very negative IUI. I don’t know what we are gonna do. I don’t know if I will come out with it. My family has had mixed responses, and if some of those hurt, I don’t know how I will handle other friends and family. It’s just one more thing to have to worry about. I do wonder if I worry too much about it and if just coming out will help alleviate that stress. And that bubbly woman…so hard to be professional when their new pregnancy was constantly being brought up! It took everything I had to make sure to stay there to discuss their dog. Icky. I might just start with our very close friends. Also that new TurboTax commercial…a tiny person that is not good at eating…seriously?

  8. Sorry to hear about your experience at work, that sounds rough, and then the baby shower invitation. Way to add salt to the wound!

    I know what you mean about the hiding. It really is the worst part of all of this.

    1. Thanks, chica. It was all just way, way, way too much. I just want to bury my head sometimes. It’s better now…but I think that’s cause we are moving forward with this cycle. And cause it’s a different day =)

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