The worst part of IF is waiting. Waiting on Mother Nature, waiting on biology, waiting on science. Always and every month. The 2 wait week for an LH surge, the 2 week wait for a BFP. The second worst is finances. Seriously, the cost is criminal. And it’s very much based on demand. Exploitation of a select group of individuals who are often beyond themselves due to the desire to birth a miracle, driven by love, society, and biology. Heavens knows I am. Just seeing a baby makes me wanna melt into a puddle of tears. Just today I had to walk away from a new mother we recently employed while she discussed the first night my associate had with his newborn.
I hate this. Loathe this. Wanna cry…
And so we are waiting again. My BBT is gradually dropping, and the OPK are still negative. The first smiley should hit around Monday, hopefully Monday, so we can do our IUI. I am nervous, emotional, so overwhelmed. And I feel so very alone, just the Hubs and I, on a raft in the middle of a sea. What will happen? I cannot possibly even hope this will work, first try and right out of the gate, and so am even now trudging towards the next step. After all, time means nothing in the land of IF.
So the heart beats on, once again biology. It hopes that my little ovaries due what is their special duty. It prays that the Hub`s male bits are working their unique assembly line.
It prepares for the inevitable. The initial cramps of AF.
But it also hopes…despite and throughout the wait.