It seems that whenever I am stressed or overwhelmed, when life is just being crazy, I dance. I dance to whatever at all times of the day and night. I danced through the ridiculous amounts of finals during school, I danced through preparing for my licensing boards, I dance through deployments and changes of duty stations. I dance after nailing a diagnosis and I dance to celebrate the pet lives that I have helped to lay to rest. And I dance to deal with infertility.
I have always been a body in motion, barely able to sit down, and this makes waiting for baby so much more difficult. Silly difficult and this at least is my fault. I am 31 years old and I have yet to figure out HOW to reasonably count to 10. The Hubs likes to tell me that he doesn’t need a child because he married me. He thinks he is clever and trying to settle my crazy train. Ha. Jokes on him.
So, because I can’t settle and just breath, I find that trying to remember what is amazing about our lives actually does help. Kinda ironic, huh? It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our own dilemmas and challenges that it is so very easy to forget why we are so fortunate. Because today is Thanksgiving, when I can at least form a food baby, here is what I am so very thankful for!
My very bestest friend. I adore Hubs. I love the way he talks and the way he moves. His sense of humor is crazy and his work ethic astounds me. He makes me want to be better, to become amazing. I love that I have been the only lady in his life for the past 11 years. Sometimes the scariest part of this entire journey is that if something horrible should happen when he is about the world, being all super Airman, I would lose everything about him. I would be all alone, with not even an incredible miracle with whom I could share my memories of him. Not even a child where I could catch glimpses of him and of this beautiful and blessed love story we have. It freaks me way out. But, even if the worst were ever to occur, I would absolutely never trade in one iota of time with him.
My wicked crazy and out-of-control family. My mother has always been the strongest woman I have ever known, my dad so strong-willed. My step-parents are a huge part of the reason I accomplished what I have in life. And my siblings, like, whoa. We are a force unto itself. I feel the same way about the Hubs family. I feel so damn blessed to be part of this family.
Veterinary medicine. As I suffered and trained to acquire my doctorate, I learned so much about my own strength and talents. I have never felt more like a fish in water than when I am practicing veterinary medicine. This profession was made for me.
My health and, oddly enough, our infertility. This is a strange thing to thank for. First, I think my body is truly a temple. I have trained it to run 1/2 marathons, to exist on minimal sleep and food, and to bounce back after any and all insults. It is a gift. One aspect of this gift is the whole infertility thing. It sucks. A lot. But because of it, I was pushed to pursue my professional dreams. Because of it, my relationship with Hubs is ridiculously strong in communication and has a depth, an easy existence that many couples dream of. Because we did not have a Baby B to focus on, we had to focus and develop ourselves and our relationship. This whole, hot mess is a blessing.
The Air Force!!! Being a MilSpouse is hard. But we have met so many neat people. Some of the best friends I could have ever know. It also provided a way for us to financially afford my education, as well as always providing a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. This military life has been a great adventure.
And, finally, the CRITTERS 😉 I love our fur-babies. They are funny, unique, and have an intense love for us regardless of what we do. They were the first extension of our little family and have provided so much enrichment into our lives that I cannot even handle the brilliance. They are often times the reason I get up in the morning, that I take care of myself. Thank the heavens for those furry paws!
I truly hope that all of you out there that are struggling with infertility are able to find the blessings. They are out there and life is always an amazing journey. Wouldn’t trade this life for anything.