Let’s talk about something called postponements…

I’m here!  This is my very first, “official” public acceptance of dealing with life and infertility… which is both terrifying and relieving.  My main reason for even beginning to document our journey was to offer my experiences along with the many others I have found as well as to hopefully build a supportive community.  Incidentally, as one ages, there is less and less couples we know who do NOT have children and, although we are striving to be wall flowers, we do crave others who may understand.  Certainly not those couples who think they may have problems conceiving, then try for about 6 months, and wham.  Nailed it.

I can’t lie that that is the only reason for this blog.  My other reason is to share my experience as a MilSpouse, as well as my professional life as a veterinarian.  That’s right!  I am one of the very rare Air Force wives who craved a professional career.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am fully supportive of those spouses who hold the home fort down.  It is truly an amazing sacrifice and investment in the future generations.  However, my  dreams and desires are just different than the traditional wife role.  Not better or worse, just different.  Although I must say even allowing the Hubs colleagues that knowledge of my career certainly has a way of isolating and even ostracizing us from the others he works with.  It’s almost like they all assume I think we are better than them…puts everybody on the instant defensive.  Sad sauce.  We just made a different choice, yo.

Back to the main event in my pea brain.  And by main event, I mean this baby making nonsense has literally invaded everything in my life.  It DOES NOT make it better that literally everyone we know is pregnant.  I have begun hiding individuals on Facebook (FB), simply because I cannot handle the announcements, and pictures, and complaints, and everything that reminds me that we might not have a choice in this matter.  I have also made a secret Pinterest board in order to collect infertility treatment information, and have been collecting pins like a cracked out squirrel prior to the first fall of snow.  Although these both are not crimes, maybe neurotic, but truly ok, I also like to secretly stalk the people I hide on FB.  Now that is a bit cray.  And by bit, I mean a lot, especially since, at certain times of the month, most of my very rare days off are spent perusing those very same people I have chosen to hide.

So, why, do you ask, has this mild interest in pursuing a baby reached such a frenzy?  There is multiple reasons, beginning with my 31st birthday.  What that means is that not only are couples our age producing the next generation, but my younger siblings, their friends, and the kids I used to babysit are all entering the birthing suite at an annoyingly fast rate.  Additionally, I recently finished my doctorate, which has subsequently removed one of the biggest diversions I have had over the past 5-ish years.  And I am telling you, that the rigor of that program will put any other obsession I have nurtured to shame.  Oh, not to mention that I am no longer in a building where most couples vehemently refuse to become pregnant due to the demands of the educational program.  Sure makes it a lot more difficult to ignore that everyone else is moving on in life when you no longer can go out for a bottle of wine with your bestie who is not and does not want to get preggers anytime soon.

The final real big reason lies in the fact that because the Hubs and I are finally together, not focusing on career goals so intensely, we have been able to put a great deal of energy and persuasion when working with our RE.  What that means is that the Hubs has now had multiple semen analysis’ and I was able to knock off a diagnostic laparoscopy.   This is really nice since with our initial entry into the wonderful worth of infertility began with an u/s in 2004, then we had a change of duty station.  Then I began my doctorate.  Then we realized the nearest RE was 2-3.5 hours away.  Then we managed to convince the military insurance (it was Tricare at that time) to at least begin to look at the Hubs.  Then I managed to convince an RE near my school to at least run a progesterone assay.  Then we waited.  Waited.  Waited.  Made an appointment with peeps who could perform IUIs and such.  Funny joke…appointment was in January of 2014.  Found another RE who happened to be at the 3.5 hour distance.  Enter laparoscopy.

The happy note in this ridiculously long adventure in the land of MDs, was that my laparoscopy ended up being perfect and normal.  We originally thought, since the Hubs lil’ airmen were wnl, albeit on the low end, that the chances of me having endometriosis would be fairly high.  Jk!  Really, my lady bits were looking like they should.  The only notable finding was that I had a stenotic (narrow) cervix.  Now, speaking of which, this whole procedure took place during my special time of the month.  Which is fine.  Truly.  Except when you let them know you are using tampons and the response is that they will remove it during surgery.  I wish I had either said nothing or used a pad.  For some reason, there is absolutely nothing more embarrassing than thinking of your RE removing your tampon.  I may even be blushing a bit just thinking about it.

Moving on.  So our options now begins with Clomid #1.  50mg, which is supes standard.  Fortunately, like most treatments and procedures I have ever had, I am having 0 side-effects (definitely went for a run about 5 days post-laparscopy).  The Hubs says I am being “mean,” but, baby, I am also in full blown hormone fury that is typical of every month.  I have not cussed at him yet, or thrown anything, which indicates to me that he is being overly sensitive.  The final days of the messing with Mother Nature pills is tomorrow and Tuesday.  So we shall see if that changes.  And then we begin scheduled sessy time which is exactly as awesome as it sounds.  Only to begin waiting for the good ol’ pregnancy test at about the time we go back home to visit family.  Which is amazing, since they have never asked when we are going to start a family simply because I have been in school.  But school ended at the beginning of the year, you say? Truth…guess I better come up with a good response.

Alright, so here is the first one.  The first in our journey, an initial glimpse into our lives.  Hope this all helps!


3 thoughts on “Let’s talk about something called postponements…”

  1. Welcome!!! I do hope you’re one of the lucky ones dear! (couple rounds of clomid, then BOOM, pregnant with a long, happy, healthy pregnancy!) If that’s not the case, my biggest piece of advice is to try not to get discouraged and DO NOT GIVE UP! It took 2 1/2 years for me to finally get pregnant and stay pregnant (probably not what you want to hear) but my point is if you want it bad enough, you just can’t give up 🙂

    Wishing you lots of luck!

    1. Thanks lady! We are really hoping so too! But if not, there are other routes we can explore. And CONGRATS!!! I love the stories where things do work out…makes my heart really happy. There is no doubt you are gonna be one heck of a great mama =)

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